A Promise to keep

[Queen Susan the Gentle]

"Oh I've dreamed plenty of wonderful things." She told him rolling once more to lay against his body like she had done to and from the journy to the Dark Isle. In this position she was safe and happy, even when her life was not at stake. Her slowly expanding stomach pressed against his body this time and the child began to move once more. Thoughts still continued to race through her mind, but few ever made it into words as excitement continued to bubble inside. "How long until we are wed?"

[King Caspian X]

Caspian smiled and used his nickname that he had chosen for her whenever she snuggled up next to him. "Cuddle-bug." he called her. "The wedding may be whenever pleases you. I'm happy if you are happy." They did have the advantage of being Royalty, so they litterally could get married whenever they wanted to. Caspian looked into her eyes and brushed the hair away from them. "When do you want to get married?" he asked.

[Queen Susan the Gentle]

"Now, right when we come back." She told him knowing the choice was somewhat irrational, but she lacked the ability to care about anything. She could not force herself to stop smiling, she could not command the tears to stop forming, she could not push all the happiness away to at least appear calm. The joy was just within her, wanting desprately to escape in every possible way she could find. Everything around her, outside of their secret place, meant nothing. She wanted to stay in that place forever. "I want it to be done, so you can be my husband and I can have your children."

[King Caspian X]

Caspian laughed. "If that's what you want." he said. "We'll have the wedding today." he couldn't help but chuckle. This morning he had been her boyfriend, now he was her fiance, and today he would be her husband. It was a bit fast, but he didn't care. So long as she was happy, so was he. "But don't you think that we should tell the others that we're engaged first?" Caspian asked, still smiling at her. He could hardly believe that she had said yes. For so long he had worried about her turning away from him, and today she said yes.

[Queen Susan the Gentle]

"They'll find out when we tell them to come." She told him. She haddn't thought about the others at all. What would they say or do? And for the first time since she woke this morning a dark and almost painful thought drifted through her. It whiped her smile away. It caused her heart rate to drop. It caused her tears to cease. "What about your father?" She asked, "Can we trust him to come without destorying it or laying out a trap?"

[King Caspian X]

"That beast isn't my father." Caspian told her. "My father was dead a long time ago." He wanted her to be happy, not sad over a crime that his uncle had commited fifteen years ago. This was their wedding day. Caspian kissed her and stood up, before scooping her up into his arms like he had on the Dark Isle. "Let's go tell your father the big news." he teased her, smiling.

[Queen Susan the Gentle]

Again, at his words, darkness and fear flowed into her. She still had not faced her father. Still had not let him see her and her child. This was not what she wanted to feel anymore. stay with Caspian, she told herself. stay here where there is peace but he was already carring her and she burried her head in his chest ready to cry once more. time passed and their tree dissapeared from view. It was only a matter of time now until the wedding was held and her father saw her . . . stop it, leave everything behind. your life starts over now. She had never wanted so much to backwards in time. For the first time in Narnia there was peace. And now it was gone like a fleeting shadow.

[King Caspian X]

Caspian stopped just outside the forest's edge when he felt his shirt grow wet with her tears. He sat down on a boulder and looked at her, confused. "What's wrong?" he asked. A moment ago she was happy, but now she was as tearful as a child who had fallen down in the sand and gotten it in her eyes. Caspian looked at her concernedly. "Why are you so unhappy?"

[Queen Susan the Gentle]

"I still havn't faced him." She said quietly with shame that forced her not to meet his eyes, "I cannot go to him and tell him I broke my promises. He'll see sooner or later, so why should I tell him." She wanted to make herself stop, to think only of Caspian, but could not. No matter how she tried there was some threat that pressed into her mind. She shook her head trying to make them go away as one horrible thought after another. The cruel voice in her head was beginning to take control again. And then after a few moments it said something so horrible that she threw herself at Caspian wrapping her arms around her neck and cried. Look at what you've done to him. it said, you've hurt him with your weakness. And to make matters worse it is on the day of you wedding. He knew you were happy before, and now you've changed so quickly. but in truth, you tell him what you felt if you tried.

[King Caspian X]

Caspian rubbed her back and let her cry into his shoulder. He rocked back and forth, trying his best to comfort her. "It's okay." he told her. "You're going to be alright. If it helps, you don't look noticablely pregnant yet. Once we are married, you can tell him that the child is mine if you want." Caspian offered. He knew that it would be easier for her to tell her father that is was her husband's child, rather than telling him that she had been raped by a young boy. "He doesn't have to know that you got pregnant before your wedding day." he ran his fingers through her hair. Caspian felt awful for her. To know that she was hurting and there was very little that he could really do about it. All that he could do was attempt to comfort her.

[Queen Susan the Gentle]

"Realy?" She had always believed he would one day accept Lamont's son as his own, one day. But to hear it now, hardly in the second month of its life, was to bring joy again. It did not come full force as it had before, but it was enough to stop her tears. When the voice tried to come again she held him tighter and closed her eyes. but in truth, you tell him what you felt if you tried. The words were painfuly true. She could tell him that she was going to marry and that she was happy, but none of the other thoughts or memories could come to mind anymore. It was as if the darkness had chased it all away. "Peter and the others don't know," She forced her mind to focus on the child. "If we were to lie to them then it could spare it some trouble when he's older. But somehow, I keep thinking Lamont's not done with him yet. He will come after his son. I can't imagine he'd let his only child be raised by the man he hates so much."

[King Caspian X]

"But Lamont doesn't know that you are pregnant either." Caspian told her. "Let them think that it is my child. How could they ever prove anything different? It even has some of my own blood." At the very least, it might look like his child. It would be better if the baby looked like Susan though. Caspian wondered what was going through her head. He would give anything to hear her thoughts. The man held her close to him, cursing his cousin in his mind. How could one boy even have the desire to cause this much pain to a woman? Evil. Evil was the answer. Caspian looked down at her stomach where the little baby was growing. The little child that he would claim to be his.

[Queen Susan the Gentle]

She couldn't force, couldn't ask for that matter, for him to take resibility for a child that wasn't even his. He was right, it shared his blood and there was a slight chance that it could look like him. But what if it didn't. She commanded the voice to stop once more. "Thank you," she told him. "There is never a greater man in all of this world or in mine. How I was lucky enough to find you is a miracal in itself. But for you to love me enough to be willing to go through all these troubles and problems is just detication I have never seen. Thank you." She curled againse his chest silently pleading for his tight embrace. No matter how the world changed around or within her she would always be his cuddle-bug, wanting only to be held and kissed by him. But as her silent act of begging began then things began to come into her mind again. Don't fool yourself girl. He knows of his son and soon the black falcon will steal him from you . . . .

[King Caspian X]

Caspian laughed. "I have flaws, too. Just like everyone else." He reminded her. "I've done some horrible things that I'm not proud of." It was because of him, because of his mistake, that those Narnians died in the Telmar Keep that day. He frowned at the memory, but then smiled when she cuddled up to him again. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head. " And I couldn't have found a more extraordinary woman in all the world. You bring me joy when the world brings me grief." he told her. "Are you ready to go up to the castle?" he asked.

[Queen Susan the Gentle]

"Everyone has, and it's because of how you've been able to accept what you've done and still move on that you are as wonderful. Everyone keeps telling me that what Lamont did wasn't my fault, even if they don't know what all came from it. But even then I still can't be happy with it, I keep blaming myself, and every time I look back at what happened I know I could've prevented it. It still hurts me, so much. the black falcon will steal him from you . . . . the words came again and she pushed them away. Breathing in deeply she said, "I think we can go. There are athousand things we need to be ready for." Finaly she began to think of their wedding. She had been told that it was bad lucy for the bride and groom to see eachother a day before the wedding. But being that they would be married today it made no diffrence. She would take what bad luck came their way. She didn't actualy believe in bad luck anyway.