Reunited At Last

[Queen Susan the Gentle]

She smiled as he passed so many of the landmarks that were precious to her and to caspian as well. Every one had him beside her at some point. When at last he stopped and she slid off his back and he transformed she asked, "So, being dead has made you a demon then? But, I guess, it's a different sort of demon. You're not like Lamont, you're more like Secret." Then she thought of the name he had given his sister. "You're not going to name him something like 'secret' are you?"

[King Caspian X]

Caspian looked up at her, a little offended. It was a bit of a touchy subject. He just wasn't sure what he was anymore. He had always had demon blood in him, but now that he was able to have some value to it, he wasn't quite sure what he was. He had always considered himself human. Even in the past months, when he learned his mother's true identity, he considered himself human, because he didn't show the signs. But now... Caspian? A demon? It was a bit hard to accept that something that dark flowed through his veins. Something so evil. "Being dead has not made me a demon." he said, but he couldn't blame her for what she said. If the tables were switched, he would have gotten the same idea. But being in Aslan's Country had not made him anymore of a demon than he already was. All he had done in his time there was learn how to use his powers. To an extent. There was definitely some lessons to be had and some teaching left to be done.

But he laughed at the next bit that Susan said, determined not to ruin these moments being so sully. "No, I'm not at all like Lamont. I guess I would be more like Secret." Caspian patted the ground next to him, silently asking for her to sit again. "And no," he smiled, "I won't name him anything like Secret. I just thought that that name suited her, that's all. Does she not like it? She can always change it if she wants. I think she'd like to have that kind of authority in her life, to chose her own calling. But that's not what I need to talk to you about." He patted the space beside him a third time, and this time verbally asked, "Sit down, my Darling?" and reached out his arm to help her.

[Queen Susan the Gentle]

"Just because you're a demon doesn't make you bad?" She told him calmly, "A theif can still be noble." Demon or not she would never think of him as anything less than her caspian. He would nevr be evil, he could never hurt her. "I don't think she doesn't like it, but you can't go around changing people's names. I wouldn't be fair. Let her change her own name when she's older. Who knows, she might get used to it." She took his hand, more because she wanted to than because she needed it, and sat beside him, leaning against his chest

[King Caspian X]

Caspian shook his head, letting the whole demon subject drop. He didn’t agree, but he didn’t want to talk about it just then. After all, it wasn’t the happiest of topics. At least, he didn’t think so. Who would be happy, being a demon? He thought of consulting in his sister later. He didn’t get a chance to talk with her often, and she barely felt like family to him. As her brother, he felt compelled to give her a little more trust. And love. And attention. In truth, he felt compelled to include her in his family. As of now, where was she? Was she in the stables? Was she with Cotnar? God, he should at least know where she was. What kind of brother was he, if he didn’t know the whereabouts of his own sister? It was a responsibility he never had to worry about before. Why was he thinking about it now? He shook his head again, trying to clear it and trying to focus.

Caspian wrapped his arms around Susan when she finally sat beside him. He stroked her shoulder softly as she laid her head on his chest, and he didn’t say anything for a while. It was quiet, without either of them talking, but peaceful. The crickets chirped somewhere, and the wind ruffled the plants around them. Through an opening in the canopy of the forest, he could see some stars sparkling. It was a good night to be alive. Minutes passed, though it could have been hours, and still he said nothing. He stopped stroking her and held her tighter. Still he said nothing. He let time go on its way, and they were left untouched by it. He opened his mouth once to speak, but decided it was too soon yet, and his lips closed.

When finally Caspian spoke, it was not a long phrase, but it was confident. “You don’t have to be afraid anymore.”

[Queen Susan the Gentle]

Her eyes closed as she drifted off, almost as though she were falling asleep, though she wasn't. She couldn't sleep, not now when he had just joined her, but here she was in complete peace and nothing could bother. The chours of the knight echoed around her, but it had little meaning. All that mattered right now was the man that loved her. His voice was all that would take her from fear, and that's exactly what happened. "Why would I be afraid of anything. You're hear now."

[King Caspian X]

Caspian smiled, looking down at her and Galen in her arms, who really had fallen asleep. "No." he said, "But when I came here you were afraid of me. You don't have to be afraid anymore." He reached down and took her hand, trying to find the words to explain. "Susan," he said, looking down at his son now and avoiding her eyes, "I knew I was going to die." He paused, waiting for her to react to that before he continued.

[Queen Susan the Gentle]

"You . . . kenw." She wasn't sure she understood. "How could you have known? I mean every time Cotnar looks at us he says he's going to kill us, but how could you really know you were going to die?" then she thought a little more "How did it happen?"

[King Caspian X]

His eyes stayed on his son. Caspian couldn't look at his wife, though he stroked her hand with his thumb, as much trying to get comfort for himself as he was trying to comfort her as he searched for a way to explain. "I intended to die." He had to be honest with her whenever she asked him anything, no matter the question. But it wasn't easy. "I knew I would come back." He paused. He was choosing his words carefully, and he wasn't being very detailed. Could anyone blame him? This wasn't exactly the easiest thing to explain to your family. And he was struggling. "There is a magic, Susan. You never have to be afraid of any of them again. Galen never has to be afraid of them again. Our baby doesn't have to be afraid. You are all protected."

At her next question, he was even more hesitant. So he bowed his head and kissed her cheek. "Are you sure you want to know how I died?"

[Queen Susan the Gentle]

She hesitated as a spark of anger ignited and she fought to control it. "You intended on dieing? You wanted to die? You wanted to leave me and Galen alone here? How am I supposed to not be afraid if you're running off dieing?" why did she have o say it. She didn't want to be angry. she didn't even hear what he added at the end.

[King Caspian X]

His heart sank, and he took her face into both of his hands gently so that she had to look at him. "I said I intended to die." he repeated himself. "I never said I wanted to. I didn't want to die. I didn't want to leave you alone. And I didn't. Aslan was with you. He is still with you." Caspian wanted to kiss her, but was too afraid that she would turn her face away from him in anger or disgust. So he just caressed her cheek softly. How could he help her to understand why he had done what he did? How could he help her to see what he had truly done. How could he help her to know that he had done it for her? For their family?

"Don't be afraid, pretty girl." he told her sweetly. "I died for you. For our children. You don't have to be afraid." Caspian sighed heavily. The last thing he wanted was to make her upset. But he couldn't stop the laugh of helplessness that escaped him. Having a pregnant woman angry at you was never a good thing. And he just laughed for a minute, and he kissed her forehead anyway, even if she might turn away from him. Nothing was funny. He just didn't know whether to laugh or shout. So he chose to laugh. But it ended soon.

"Susan," he began again, more serious now, "I need you to trust me. I need you to trust that what I did was good." Caspian kissed her jaw tenderly. "You were afraid of them. Now it's them that should be afraid of you." He ran his fingers through her hair. "Don't be mad at me, Darling." he said. When she was angry, he felt like she was the lion and he was the mouse. Not many men would give their wives such power, but he did. But he knew how to soothe that fury. Most of the time. "I am here now." he offered, wrapping his arms around her again and holding her tight. "You don't want to know how I died. I am alive." Caspian kissed her neck. "I am alive, and you don't have to be afraid anymore."

[Queen Susan the Gentle]

Susan listened leaning against him. She already knew everything he had said wa at s true. She wasn't sure why she had lashed out him. She didn't want to be mad at him. "You still never told me how you died." She reminded him.

[King Caspian X]

"How much do you want to know?" he asked. "I don't want to scare you." He bit the inside of his cheek. Anything she asked, he would have to answer. Truthfully. But did she really know what she was asking? Did she really want to know how much he suffered?

[Queen Susan the Gentle]

"Everything," She answered simply. She remembered how terrified she had been when she heard his cry from her chambers, how afraid she was for him. she wondered how much more suffering Lamont had given her family and how much more she would give to him in turn, "I need to know what he put you through. I told you what happened to me on the Dark Ilse when you asked."

[King Caspian X]

"Rape isn't equivalent to death." he complained, but it was too late. He was already bound to her. Caspian grimaced. "If I am going to tell you, you must promise me something. Promise to remember that I chose to die. And that I am alive now. Don't do anything stupid trying to get back at him. I promise there will be time for that later."

Without waiting for her to say anything, he continued. "We fought, Lamont and I." he stated the obvious, and tilted his hand back and forth, dismissing it. A duel didn't need explaining move by move, and he skipped to the ending. "I tripped. He could have killed me. But he tortured me. He said that he wanted me to do him a favor. He said that he wanted me to scream, so that you would know the fight was over and you would stop worrying. He said he didn't want his poor wife in distress over it." He broke his story to look at her a moment, "You're my wife." he said with dominance and possessiveness, and then continued, "I waited to die, but I wasn't giving him the fun he wanted. He wanted me to be scared. He wanted me to scream. Lamont ran his sword down my spine, not deep enough to kill right away, but just deep enough to bring the pain. I clenched my teeth, but I couldn't keep myself from yelping and I growled at him. I bowed my head in the dirt, leaving my neck open in hopes that he would strike there. But he didn't. He laughed at me. I wasn't in enough pain. I hadn't screamed. So he dug his hands into my wound and pulled back, severing many of my veins." He paused to take a breath. How much did he want to tell her? She had asked for everything. "I could hear it ripping." he said quietly, hoping she might not have heard it and he continued quickly, "That was the scream you heard. I tried not to. I covered my mouth, but I couldn't stop it. Then my body started shutting down. I couldn't feel certain areas, but the pain was unlike anything you've ever felt. I started thrashing across the ground. He pressed hard against my spine, beside a rib, but that was just to hear me scream again. But he didn't stop. He reached deep down into my wound. He touched my lung with his fingertips. He took one of my ribs from me. It broke at the spine, and then he took another. He said he was going to give them to you." Again, he broke his story, "They're here, now." he promised, and let her touch his ribcage, where the ribs were indeed intact and strong. "I wanted to vomit, and I couldn't move. I was paralyzed. He poked my heart with a stick before he grabbed both of my lungs. I couldn't scream anymore. I didn't have any air. I stopped struggling, and things were starting to go dark, and the pain started to end. I couldn't feel it when he cut out my heart, and I couldn't hear him when he said he was going to bring that to you too." Again, Caspian stopped, and held her hand to his chest, assuring her that it was still there. "I was already gone."

[Queen Susan the Gentle]

She wasn't sure she agreed. In death he went to Aslan's country where everything was supposed to be perfect and wonderful. After rape she had to spend every night for weeks screaming in her sleep. At least the pain ended with death. She was happy when he didn't wait for her to give her promise, she had no intention of giving one. Every word struck her with a new sence of pain. How could Lamont have thought to be so cruel? She could imagine everything so vividly in her mind, hear his screams so clearly, but she couldn't imagine the pain. Just like before she wanted the kid dead. By the time he had placed her hand on his chest tears were beginning to fall. "I'm sorry," was all she could manage to whisper.