It Is Time

[Lennia Silverwind]

Len looked at the man. He was Susan's father. She nodded and sat in the chair. "Mind if I hold your son to make sure his breathing and plus is normal?" She asked. She was wondering what they named the boy since she missed the conversation.

[Queen Susan the Gentle]

She silently thanked Aslan as he spoke then cursed for the inturption. The pause left a rift in the convercation, a hole that needed to be filled. She could feel her father's gaze on her, waiting for the answer to this other thing she could not give. She looked back up at Caspian refusing to meet his eyes, refusing to break the barrier of silence between them. She held tight to her child, it being her only comfort in that particular moment.

[King Caspian X]

Caspian looked at his wife. "It's okay." he whispered, and kissed her cheek so that no one could have seen his lips move as he said it. "I'll tell him." Then Caspian heared Len request to hold the baby. "It's alright with me." he said, then with more humor in his voice (he was doing his best to stay off the topic of Lucy for just a while longer) "I think it's Susan that you have to ask though." This was refering to how tightly she was holding little Galen.

[Queen Susan the Gentle]

Susan nodded as warmth passed over her body with his kiss. She loosened her grip on Galen so Lennia could take her and do what she was going to do. "Just be sure you don't hurt him." She warned remembering the painful and strange expeorences she had gone through with the wind witch's magic. She took Caspian's unbroken hand tightly with hers. Already, just thinking about the story he was about to tell, made her want to cry.

[King Caspian X]

By now, the happiness had left the King's face. His humor was gone, his voice solemn and grave. "As we said," he began from where they had left off in the story. "We were attacked by the demon. But there was something before that..." Caspian swallowed, his throat suddenly sore and painful. "When Susan was in labor, we heard the sound of two lions fighting. We thought that one of them might be Aslan, and decided to search for him after Galen was born. So we did." The man took a breath, not entirely willful to continue. He knew that it would be hard on the soldier to hear what was going to follow, and this would forever be the happiest and saddest day of the Grandfather's life. "We arrived at the clearing," Caspian began again, "and there were indeed lion tracks everywhere. -Two separate sets of them. One set was only slightly smaller than the other." Another pause, "But in the center of the clearing..." tears filled his eyes now, and something felt as if it was pressing against his thoat, threatening to burst through his skin and kill him if he continued. Caspian had done this many times before, when he had to tell husbands and wives, fathers and mothers and children that their loved ones had died in battle. But this was different. Each one was always different. They never got easier to tell. But this one... this one was about Lucy. The English warrior must have known what was coming by the look on Caspian's face. Mr.Pevensie must have know what it was like to tell people about the death of war. The old man must have known that what Caspian was about to say would be life-changing, because he was already clenching his fists and holding his breath, biting his tongue and trying to hold back a yell of fright. A yell that so often Caspian had heard when a father loses his child. Tears dripped down his face as he continued, "In the clearing there was a body. Susan recognized it even from a distance, and when we ran up to it we realized that she was right." A silence swelled in the air around them, that could have lasted but a second or a lifetime, no one could tell nor dare to guess. "It was Lucy." Caspian finished, teardrops falling against his cheeks and rolling down off his chin. "The demon had killed her." Now was the yell of terror, the horrible pain of a father. The old man leapt from his seat and looked around in frustration, a look of dread and failure and an agony that perhaps not even time could heal. The soldier picked up a chair and threw it across the room, then continued to smash anything that could be smashed. Caspian held tight to Susan, unable to watch. He couldn't ever imagine losing Galen, and he had only knew his son for a few hours. He couldn't imagine living a life with your child for years, and then having it all torn away from you by the devil's claws. He just couldn't imagine the suffering that his father-in-law was going through, and he knew that no one could ever bare to see it but the hearts of the wicked. The heart of Lamont. The heart of the demon. Black holes.

[Queen Susan the Gentle]

Susan cried durring his story remembering all to well and knowing she could never forget. Painful memories have a habit of engraving themselves into your hear, your being, while the peaceful happy ones drift away. She would always remember seeing Lucy and now she would always remember seeing her father cry, something that had never been done. She wanted to say something comforting, something that would help, but nothing came to mind. She could only lay there useless and watch helplessly as her father's heart was torn. More tears would spring forth, but there were no words to be spoken. After a long while she looked to Caspian silently pleading for him to have something, anything, to say. she couldn't let him cry like this for much longer.

[King Caspian X]

Caspian wanted to do what Susan wished, but there was no possible way that he could. What did one say to another when their daughter was dead? Caspian should have known an answer, but the answer was too simple. The answer was simply that there was no answer. The pain of losing someone that you hold that dearly was a blind and deaf rage, almost an insanity. Caspian could remember the dream that he had had long before Galen was born. The one where Susan had died, and he was lying by her grave, litterally going crazy. Nothing anyone said or did would ever help. But Caspian had to try, for Susan and for her father. The man stood up and walked over to the screaming Grandfather, whom glared at him. It was true, that Susan's father had never really liked Caspian. He had never really welcomed him as a son or even a friend. It was the price that had to be paid for letting everyone believe that Galen was truely Caspian's child. The price of covering up the fact that Susan had ever been raped by their enemy. A price that Caspian would willingly pay a thousand times. But now, it would become clear just how important that price was. Susan's father felt as if Caspian had betrayed him by getting his daughter pregnant, before marriage. "THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!" the man screamed at him. "I DON'T KNOW HOW, IT JUST IS!" Caspian knew this all too well. Someone always had to be blamed. That someone usually ended up being him.

"I couldn't have done anything." Caspian said calmly. "Susan was having a baby, and if she didn't have the baby today we probably still wouldn't even know that Lucy was dead. It was because we were outside that we were even able to hear what had happened." This was all true.

"It's your fault that Susan was having a baby in the first place!" the soldier yelled, raising a fist. "It's your fault!" False. But Caspian wouldn't correct it.

The King ignored the man's blames. "Come sit down." he said. "Destroying things won't bring her back." Caspian was still crying, the sight of Lucy's dead body still fresh in his mind.

"I DON'T WANT TO SIT DOWN! MY DAUGHTER IS DEAD! I'LL DESTROY WHAT I PLEASE!" the fist was brought across Caspian's jaw, leaving it purple and bruised and swollen. The King hadn't expected it to be that hard of a punch, but he was most certainly proved wrong.

Caspian went down to the ground in an instant, sent off balance by the unfamiliar weight of his arm. Embarassed, the man got up and sat down next to Susan again, red faced. "I think we should let him cool down on his own..." he told her, wrapping his arm around her again and holding her close.

[Queen Susan the Gentle]

"STOP IT! LEAVE HIM ALONE!" She yelled at her father knowing she only added to the emotional conflict in the small room, but only acknologing it after it was done. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, as though she could do something to protect him. "He hasn't done anything so stop blaming him." Her words came now with no end, though her mind begged them to stop her body simply would not comply. "He's never done anything wrong. It's my fault Lucy's dead. It's my fault that I trusted the monster enough to let him learn our secrets. It's my fault that I never protected Lucy. It's my fault that I didn't save her the first time she was kidnapped. It's my fault that Lamont has been able to gain so much power so quickly. And it's my fault that I had the child. Caspian did nothing. If you have someone to blame then take me father. The fault is mine."

[King Caspian X]

The man stopped and stared at his daughter, eyes full of pain and sorrow. He was quiet, like an animal after it has been shot dead.

"No, it's not Susan's fault." Caspian said, defending his wife from... herself? That couldn't be right... but still. "She's just saying that to protect me. It's my fault. I should have been there to protect those that were important to me rather than letting myself be dragged down and attacked by the tiger in the Dark Isle. I should have killed the beast when I had the chance, so he would have never had the chance to get to Susan and earn her trust. I should have cut his tongue out. It's my fault that Susan got pregnant." That last one was only a half-truth. It was Caspian's fault that he had not been there to protect her from Lamont. "It's all my fault."

The soldier looked from one to the other, now completely confused, frustrated, and angry. But at least he was being somewhat distracted from his rage.

[Queen Susan the Gentle]

For the first time a feeling rose in her chest, one she did not reconize. It was hatred for Caspian's actions. She had to step forward and take responsibility for what she had allowed to happen. Her heart could not let her stand by as Caspian took punishment for her weakness. The trial against herself that she had put off for so long was now here. The battle against her own will and concious and her father had to be fought. "No," She said pulling herself out of bed and forcing her father to look into her tear-stained eyes that matched her mother's perfectly and without flaw. He would know her every word was truth. "We went to the Dark Isle and I had the chance to kill Lamont and end our suffering, but I didn't. I was stupid and weak and I let him overtake me. He strangled me and raped me and left me for dead. Lamont is Galen's true father, not Caspian. I was just . . . so afraid to tell you. Because of the promises I broke. And Caspian said he would take responsibility, to, not only claim it as his own, but to raise it as his son as well. It was for me, for Narnia, and for Galen's sake. There was nothing he could have done, the trap for me was too perfectly set. And now I can only thank him for what he did." The entire story had been said through tears and a voice that shook and shuddered as Lamont's name passed over her tounge. By the time it was over she found herself still, silent, and waiting for her judgement to pass.

[King Caspian X]

Caspian could only watch now as Susan faced her father, the man that she had been so wanting to avoid this conversation with for so long. He wanted to say something to take the blame all off of Susan again, but what she had said was done. No lie that he could ever manage to materialize in his mind could ever match the truth that she had said, no matter how badly Caspian wanted to change the past. He wrapped his arms around her as they both looked at her father, as if the soldier might harm Susan like he had done to the chair pillows and other objects around the room. But the rage was gone. Completely.

Mr. Pevensie stared at both of them now, tears streaming from his eyes. But this time, they weren't for Lucy. They were of self-shame, hurt, lifted confusion, realization, and (as Caspian was happy to see) hatred towards the person that had harmed his daughter, Lamont. The father stepped forward slowly, stopping in front of the married couple. He looked apologetic, as if no words could describe how sorry (or shocked) that he was. He pulled his daughter from Caspian's arms and into his own tight embrace. "I'm sorry." the man whispered. "For so many months I have been ashamed. . . but I realize now that it wasn't your fault. It was never your fault. . ." the man's voice was broken and shakey.

[Queen Susan the Gentle]

"No, it was," she told him as he held her. She had expected him to reject her, throw her aside, do anything except for what he did. "I let him do this. But I'm alright now." Her voice no longer held the sadness it did before, "It's over now. I've already had the baby and named it and Caspian and I will never tell him what Lamont did. Everything will be alright now as long as we can keep Lamont from him."

[King Caspian X]

Caspian nodded, and put his good arm around Susan again, waiting to see what her father would say. "Why didn't you tell me all of this before?" asked the Grandfather. "You could have told me." Caspian knew that this wasn't true. If it had been, then Susan would have told the man. He could tell by the way that they had avoided each other all this while that it wasn't true. But the King said nothing. He simply observed the conversation between father and daughter.

[Queen Susan the Gentle]

"Because I was afraid to." she told him, "I thought you would be angry because I broke my promises. I was afraid you would hate me, so I didn't say anything. I would rather have you not know and still love me. But now I see that in my lie you've been thinking about Caspian diffrently than you should've. You've never liked him and you've disrespected him and treated him unfairly and now you blame him for Lucy's death. I couldn't let you do that anymore."

[King Caspian X]

"I'm sorry." the old man said to Susan. "I should try to do better as a father. But you have to understand, coming into a magical land that you've never been to before, in the middle of some war that you know nothing about, and then finding out that my daughter is pregnant before she is married has been tough on me. When you told me that Caspian was the father, I do admit that I hated him. I'd hate anyone with that kind of impatience and direspect for you." The man looked at her, eyes sparkling with embarassment, but love for his child at the same time. "But I should have been more open and let you speak with me. I shouldn't have made you feel the way I did, and I'm sorry." Then he turned to Caspian. "As for you," he said, for the first time, it wasn't stern. "I have to thank you for what you've done. Any other man would have run even from his own baby. But not only did you marry a woman who was pregnant with a child not your own, you claimed the boy as well. I couldn't have asked for anything more or less for my Susan. I'm afraid that I've misjudged you."

Caspian was still quiet, not quite sure how to respond to that. So he just bobbed his head down once. "Thanks." he said.